soooo
i dont really write here anymore
not that i really wrote.....
w/e ya'll know what i mean.
not much has happened lately.
before school ended i went to the teacher that i usually go to, to talk.
i told her that i was having a hard time dealing with what happened in florida
so she took the time out of her life to find me then name and number of a counsellor
that deals with things like this. she asked her friend who is a doctor what would be best
and another friend. so she went to all this work to get me help. she gave me the number
and i have stared at it everyday. i cannot bring myself to call the lady. it's not that i don't want help because i do....i don't think anybody could understand how much i do
but because of him it's always about him when that subject comes up
he took my childhood
he made me afraid of guys
he made makes me run out of class crying when we watch a movie about it
he made me want to die
he told me if i told anybody that i would
that he would come to my house, do it again and then kill me and my family
he said he would tell the world what he did when he got caught
he told me i was fat
he told me that no one would ever love me because now i'm broken
and you know what i agree with him....i am broken now
i feel like all my friends hate me
because i'm short
because i'm dumb
because i'm annoying
because i'm not pretty
because i'm fat
because i'm a slut
and i'm just not fun enough to be around?
i don't know it's fucking confusing as hell though
i want help but i'm too afraid of him
i don't know what to do and i just wish there was someone that understood
that could protect me
and fix me
because i really cannot live like this anymore. | 
